Safety
to be in a place in my mind, where i am still and protected
You see, I don’t always like the term “playing it safe.” Though I understand the metaphor of it all (heck, I’ve probably used it before). It still doesn’t always sit right. As if being safe could ever be this trivial thing that holds you down. As if it doesn’t mean stability, sanity, serenity, strength-building, and peace. Necessities for every magical girl to thrive to see another day, rather than be hanging tattered and broken by a thread.
But I’m feeling a bit pissy about certain life situations right now, so I digress. Here are a few ways I’m attempting to build safety, in the way I need—silly and serious.
p i n k b u b b l e
I don’t really remember when this picture of a giant pink bubble all around me began.
But when it did start, I found myself returning to it in my mind during moments of frustration.
Essentially, the pink bubble was this “tangible” manifestation of putting a barrier between myself and the things (and people) I came across, that carried with them: horrible, no-good vibes. That brought to my space, physical or mental, a dark cloud.
Even when it was subtle: a few mean words. Or not so subtle: a malicious action. I imagined that if I closed my eyes and reached within myself for my personal whimsy wonder-strength, it would appear in this giant pink bubble all around me.
A shield of sparkling pink gelatin light between me and adversaries
Of course this is imagery. I wish it to fairyland, if you will. How I wish I had magical powers and lived in a fantasy world right about now, where I could, in fact, conjure up defenses to distract and shoo away angry reptiles and mean sharks.
Still, imaginary or not, I love carrying around the idea of my pink bubble in the back pocket of my favorite jeans, even if it’s realness lives in my mind alone.
I can whip it out every time I come across foe-like substances (heheheh I like that term) and know that even if they cant see it. I can.
In my mind’s eye, I see the pink bubble; undulating and glowing all around me. And though in this world I can’t reach out to touch its pleasantly gooey, yet-never-leaving-a-trace, incredibly-strong surface, I can hold on to the safe, giggly feeling it gives me.
Like playing with fairies in my daydreams.
I know a secret they’ll never know—my mind is a safe haven of wonderful impossibilities.
Girlie, If you ever feel like your environment is going haywire or you’re having to be around certain spaces/people who are negative or bringing you down in some way, try imagining that there’s a bubble around you.
Put it in your favorite color, if you will!
Pretend as though when you walk through that space, nothing bad can get by. Inside the bubble, you are safe. Your mind is safe, your heart is safe, and you can process and think and breathe freely within that bubble.
(And isn’t this all that visualization stuff our therapists talk about? Lol).
I hope it works for you, lady girl. And even if it seems silly and a little hard to grasp, I hope it does make you laugh and bring you joy. Makes you picture yourself as a magical girl in a fantasy world with powers that protect her dreams and all those special things that she loves.
c r e a t e m y w o r l d
Fairyland, my fairytales, my secret other fantasy lands that live quietly in my journals, and all the other beautiful pieces of my inner world that grow and spring up as time wields its magic wand—I love them so much.
I am so grateful for the ability to create. That they exist. That I exist to create them.
Each time I find the woes of life swallowing me whole, stripping me of my sanity—pressures from society, from other people’s projected desires, from all the little things I can’t control and all the ways I have been made to feel unsafe in an unsafe world—I know I can turn to the things that light up my life and the creativity in my own hands.
Sometimes you have to build your sense of safety as an alternate reality, or find it in the pages of a book, or the bright colors of an old film. In the ways you learn how to sew or type up all your silly little deep-dives in a word document (that maybe you’ll share with a friend later who just understands). Or your secret tumblr blog, or the long list of ideas in your notebook, or even your daily diary where your prayers, hopes, and the mundane moments of your life leave a trail that you were there once.
I do think that we can build spaces of stability by creating our own worlds, in little ways.
When we figure out what those ways are, I hope we continue to grow them. Because there is a groundedness that they can provide. They can remind us of our values (because they hold them!), build a deeper understanding of who we truly are, of the things that we are fighting for and what really matters to us.
Creating our worlds can bring a type of internal safety that allows us to shoot for the moon. Not just to land among the stars, but to swim and glide and dive: like fantastic fish with boundless courage to explore unknown galaxies.
Or something cheesy like that.
Teehee.
Here are a few things you can slip into your days to build your inner world and other sources of safety:
*try out new creative activities. (go try the thing you’ve always been wanting to do: sewing, dancing, painting, designing your wardrobe etc.)
return to old creative activities (there’s something so wonderful and comforting about being re-inspired by something you’ve always loved and hadn’t found time for in recent years, for one reason or the other. maybe that’s journaling or singing or gathering old fashion magazines. I think that every time we feel inspired or re-inspired, we gain strength to build our dreams!)
make time for routines that help you process situations, think freely, and just connect with different parts of yourself. (i.e. prayer/meditation, writing your think pieces on your blog, noting down ideas/concepts that have been swirling around in your mind and investigating them. [All of which I need to do more of, lol])
surround yourself with media that fills you up and aligns with your values and beliefs. (i.e. cartoons, tv shows, old fantasy books sitting on your shelves—filled with stories and characters that ground you!)
ps: being creative and surrounding yourself with media that inspires you can be so comforting! And I believe comfort is needed in life—it is the fuzziest blanket wrapped around us when our hearts are cold. And the biggest, warmest hug when life grows callous. I also believe that these things help with our sense of safety. Which is also a necessity. In this case, internal safety—the unbreakable fortress of peace within ourselves, that we build over time, and that gives us strength to step out into the world and do all those wonderful, joy-filled things we came to do, no matter what challenges we face. does that make sense? I hope we always find the courage to create our worlds! <3
*note: as someone with a disregulated nervous system, i know that trying new things can be so scary. even going back to old things can be scary. which is ironic giving that we yearn to feel safe within doing what we love and freely connect with our inner self. unfortunately for some of us, mental illness, disorders, and traumas make it harder to identify what feels safe. and to this i say: take it easy, my love. one step at a time with what you choose to do. your creative moments can be super simple and accessible! take your time to build that trust within yourself to try.
*2nd note: Ohhh intermission! I was searching “safety” and “comfort” (as I was drafting this blog post, I was like hmm, ‘safety isn’t the same as comfort’ etc, and I wanted to know if there was something out there that agreed. And if I was making sense, hehe). Anyways, I didn’t read the whole thing, but this article’s excerpt was the first to pop up for the difference between the two, and it did make sense to me~)
g e t o f f t h e t r a i n
I’m about to be very serious when I say..
I am getting off the train and taking the long walk back to my house.
okay, let me explain.
As a fairy, I never get upset.
*insert poker face*
Okay fine, I do get upset, lol.
One of my biggest sources of upsetness is someone “tainting” what I love.
Someone knowing what I do (finding out about my creative endeavors and projects and dreams) and somehow with them knowing, they begin to infiltrate my world, with their sheer unwanted presence in my space, causing my shine to dim.
(ugh, not on my watch.)
I think one of the reasons I’m a very private person—especially when it comes to creative projects and the like—is the desire to protect my heart from weird reactions, comments, and behaviors people in my real life display when they find out something about me.
Especially people who are, at first, companions/friends in your life, whether familial or otherwise. Sometimes people’s energies shift unexpectedly, or they speak to you in ways that downplay your achievements, or they begin to compare their life with yours like it’s a competition.
Not to mention, sometimes, people struggle to fit their narrow minded perspective of who they expected you to be when they realize, the reality is in fact, that you’re full of ideas and creative sparkle.
Let’s just say, I’ve seen it.
And yes, these are just projections. But other people’s useless projections can become harmful if you marinate in them for too long.
So in order not to internalize unjust behaviors (*ahem* why are you stalking me??? YKWYA) and stray “comments” that you may find yourself seeing/hearing from people—I say: get off the train.
The train being someone else’s mindset and expectations.
Building safety sometimes means knowing when to leave other people’s head spaces. Leaving behind the lens of others who are not looking, in any way, to lift you up but instead are hoping to bring you down.
You don’t have to stay on the train going to wherever fresh pit of misery they’re trying to drag you into, when all you want to do is go to your destination and make magic. You can say “no” to that one person who keeps negging you. You can press “block” to that one friend stalker. You can stop answering calls that leave you crying to yourself at night, suddenly feeling like you can’t achieve your dreams. You can distance yourself when they have no sense of boundaries and just bad vibes.
Get off the train, babe.
Take the long walk back to your house, brew a smashing cup of tea, and watch mickey mouse.
Life is so much better that way. (I’d like to think♥︎)
In conclusion: Stand tall, magical girl.
Throw forth your imagined gelatin bubble, and let its pretty, gooey walls remind you that you get to decide what and who takes up space in your mind.
Immerse yourself in your worlds and create the magic you have in your heart (play, reconnect with yourself/beliefs, have fun, and kick-back!)
And whenever and if ever you can, get off that dismal train and find your way back to the energy that is right for you.
In time, all will be well.
And in time, I hope our sense of safety grows and flourishes to face whatever or whoever comes our way.
with love,
Anastasia
