Others
When what they say (and do) affects our magical hearts…
Cardi B said it perfectly:
“You even got me trippin', you got me lookin' in the mirror different. Thinkin' I'm flawed because you inconsistent...”
- Cardi B, Be Careful
And yes this song has romantic context, but I know you know it applies to a whole of a lot. The sentiment of hurt and disbelief is clear.
People like to talk. They have something to say at any given moment about what paths you’ve chosen for yourself. About who you are and what you love. Sometimes it’s even the people closest to you that stomp on your heart—with no warning, you’re being snubbed with harsh words left, right, and center.
You think to yourself: Where did all the love go??
And it hurts deep.
You decide to start a sticker business? “Patty, you’ll never make it.” You choose to study fashion in school instead of accounting like your hundreds of forefathers? “Elizabeth, you’re already a failure.” You want to be a renaissance lady and explore your hobbies/skills: “I don’t know, that sounds weird, you’d be successful if you did just one thing.”
Now you’re questioning yourself, your dreams, and your heart’s sincerest desires.
Am I wrong? Am I a failure? Why won’t anyone support me? Mum? Dad?? Bestie??? What’s going oooon? Fine, I wont do it. There’s no point in trying, I’ll just give up.
Well, my dear, I’m here to tell you to not give up. To protect your magical heart and the beautiful flowers glowing and growing inside. So to you, I dare say…
DO WHAT YOU LOVE
DO WHAT TRULY MATTERS TO YOU
Look around you, see how nothing in this world is guaranteed?
You can have the best career, best grades, best home life, best of everything and still be miserable. And still lose it all. You can have the worst of the worsts of hands dealt to you and somehow, life turns around, a light shines down on you—and soon, immense joy and a beautiful new beginning awaits.
You can follow someone else’s path and lose yourself, believe every bad thing they’ve ever said about your dreams…
Or you can take a risk.
And to be honest, you have more to gain when you take a risk on something that matters to you than something that doesn’t. And if you do lose something, anything…why are you so convinced you won’t get back up again??
I’m learning, as I live this life as whimsically as possible, that dreams and hopes aren’t “right” or “wrong.” But that there is, in fact, a rightness your dreams and hopes hold. An inherent conviction that they are meant for you. They found a perfect home in you and no one else.
You have every right to see them through, to watch them shoot across the sky like stars on a mission.
You don’t know everything yet.
Others don’t know everything yet (some don’t know anything at all—yeah, I’m looking at you [insert family member name]). So why are you believing them? Listening to them??
Let’s start listening to what’s inside first. Let’s give it a shot, first, and entertain doubts later!
“Okay, but how, Anastasia?” You wail. “Like how? I need substantial how-to’s, right now, please!”
Alright babe, I hear you.
Here’s two things you can do right now:
1) Start small..
Want to create your own fashion line of baby doll dresses? Take a sewing class. Want to have your own technicolor makeup brand, someday? Start by building a little vision board of the brand aesthetic and/or make a list of special product ideas! Want to try art journaling as a hobby? Re-use your old elemnarty school notebooks!
Starting small means taking an intentional step towards these dreams. A teeny-tiny intentional step. The goal is to make it easy to move forward—using the resources that you can see and touch around you. Meaning, resources that are already there or easy to obtain.
Open your eyes to your environment! If you can’t afford a sewing class or there isn’t one around you—YouTube has a plethora of free how-to videos! Buy super cheap cloth and materials at your local supermarket or dig through your wardrobe for something old you can faff around with.
If you’re making a vision board, don’t chicken out because you don’t have a high-speed printer. Go digital, use Pinterest! And if you can’t, find magazines around your house and cut them up or ask around for some old magazines. Or, use your own drawings on paper to design that board.
Keep looking for your small way forward, and then take it!
When you are intentional in all these small ways, you’re telling your dreams—“Hey, wake up! I’m here and I wanna try. So, come on, let’s have fun!”
You deserve to have fun, put a smile on your face, and help the dream in your heart do a little victory dance!
YEEHAAWWW!
2) Practice Privacy..
Nobody has to know your business.
♪Nobody, nobody but youuuu♪ insert Wonder Girls song
No-bo-dy!
You can win and “fail” and make mistakes and stumble and laugh and win again—all in private. As you start small, and play and have fun with your dreams, keep it quiet so you can be free to do it all as you wish. At your own pace.
In time, you’ll know when to reveal all. And to who you’d like to share it with. And to be honest, to some people around you, maybe that’s never. Lol!
Inspire Yourself
I looove watching cartoons—the whimsy, the magic, the good vibes, the nostalgia and joy that sometimes brings tears to my eyes. I feel safe, imaginative, and playful when I watch cartoons! And really, any movie/show//book I truly love.
My wheels end up turning and I get excited about all my creative outlets and what I can do. My fairytales giggle in delight and my hand itches to sketch, write, or craft something. Anything.
Inspire yourself, girl! Watch your fave tv shows and movies. Re-read books that have always made you smile and feel like anything is possible. Find a character you relate to and let their journey gives yours a new perspective!
Dig around for media that lights you up and motivates you to build your silly little dreams—Joyful Media, I like to call it! Whether it’s on Pinterest, on a web video game, in the library, on a billboard opposite your house, in the pages of your old childhood journals... Find your joyful media and run with it!
You can make notes of quotes and/or ideas that pop up as you do. Or just let your brain soak it all in, daydream and find new routes to what is in your heart.
Destination magic and adventure, here we come!
Take care of your health
Health is wealth.
I know that’s such a cheesy line, but it is so true.
When I’m hacking up a storm with a bad cold or curled up in pain, I remember just how wonderful it was to be healthy.
And I’ve noticed, quite acutely, that every time something bad happens in my life–whether a big event or a terrible conversation that sticks—I get sick.
It’s weird—almost like my body absorbs all the emotion and then straight out collapses.
Of course, we can’t help but fall sick—we are human! But, isn’t it telling how a bad event or intense moment of emotion (a let down, an argument, a traumatic situation filled with betrayal) can rattle our health?
You might have started reading this essay with tears in your eyes, or with a deep sense of sadness at the “others” who have hurt your heart and spat on your dreams.
You may be turning over in your head situations that have not only vexed you thoroughly, but derailed your happiness. Perhaps you’re already internalizing it all, your body already feeling it.
Well, I’m here to urge you to take care of yourself, right now! Drink water, make some tea, sleep longer (take those naps), take a walk. Journal it all out or call your therapist. Or do both. Build a sense of peace with routine.
Shake your booty to that one song about ten times over.
Rest and then begin again.
*(An aside: If you struggle with chronic pain—many of us quietly deal with chronic pain, aside from being regularly sick, which can be double hard on the psyche—take everything day by day. Be patient with yourself as you do what you need to do. Find ways to make your schedule lighter. Be sure to make starting small super duper bitesized <3.)
..Our emotions are entangled with our body, and many times they affect our health. So we must go easy on ourselves and in those moments, after “Others” have caused destruction, we must comfort and care for our bodies.
When we are healthy and strong, our mindsets are clearer. Our ability to act on our dreams, stronger.
So please, take care <3.
My loves, if there is anything you take away from this essay let it be this:
Your path is beautiful. Your dreams are inevitable—yes, you will get there, to the places that you long for. To the destinations that only you know how deep they live in your heart.
Why? Because you won’t give up: even when unexpected change comes or obstacles appear. You’ll take a deep breath, figure where your heart is at, find your footing anew, and keep going. And they, those “others,” can’t stop you.
Your hope is stronger than their negativity.
Your desires more valiant.
More important than their need to bring you down is your will to triumph in the life you’ve chosen.
This is your world and they are living in it—it’s why they need you miserable so bad.
With all the love in the entire universe and other parallel worlds (if and when and where they exist),
Anastasia
